It’s time I told the truth.

For me, November isn’t just the season of sparkle. It’s the season of snot. You’re probably thinking right now, “That’s disgusting! What is she talking about? I’m not snotty! Wait did I blow my nose this morning? Do I have a bat in the cave? Oh God where’s a mirror?” And I’m sorry to put you through that, but I just have to get this out there.

Maybe for normal people, the months between October and April are quite pleasant: they drink hot chocolate, they bundle up with loved ones, they lace up their boots and go for snowy walks. But for me, these months get quite embarrassing, because the second the temperature drops below 60 degrees my nose becomes a leaky faucet. Not just any leaky faucet though…it becomes that really annoying leaky faucet that always bothers you when you walk by the bathroom but that you always forget to have fixed until it’s annoying you so much that you decide to start showering in the other bathroom just to get away from it. Except this leaky faucet is on my face, so I can’t get away from it. Torture, I tell you. Torture.

I can’t step outside in winter without my nose dripping in the most awkward way possible: it’s not exactly a runny nose in that it’s not caused by stuffiness, it’s just a teeny bit of mucus that likes to hang at the very bottom of my nose, threatening to slide out with every breath. And when I wipe that teeny little bit out, another teeny little bit appears, just to torture me.

Is this post sexy enough for you yet?

I know you’re thinking, “Stop being so dramatic and get a Kleenex already,” and while you’re right about the dramatic part, the latter part is a little bit more tricky. The way I see it, there are three ways to deal with my little problem:

  1. Be that person who is constantly trying to suck up their snot, thereby annoying everyone around them;
  2. Do a discreet hand/sleeve wipe every five seconds, which is not only gross but also hikes up your dry cleaning bill (although I won’t pretend I haven’t done it before); or
  3. Make like your grandmother and carry around a crumply, half-used tissue in your pocket at all times.

None of these options are particularly appealing to me, but after finding these custom snowman Christmas hankies online I think I’m going with option three. Let the season of snot begin!

Advertisements